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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

And you know, wherever I am, I'll come runnin'

I've lost some friends lately and I'm sad.

I'm not exactly sure what happened. I don't know if I did something to upset them and I can't get them to call me back or answer an e-mail in my attempt to find out. Several of these friends I've had for several years which is why I'm so perplexed. I'm not talking casual acquaintences. These are people I have genuinely confided in and believed to be within my tightest of circles.

Granted, my phone and inbox have been unusually quiet since my miscarriage. I'm not sure if people just don't know what to say or if they are afraid or if they really don't believe that I'm ok and think that I'm pining away on the couch eating oreos but it's been seriously amiss here in casa de Hero. I'll admit, I've seen some oreos lately but day-am, they are good. Especially with a huge glass of cold milk....but I digress.

I miss my friends.

I miss them terribly.

I miss laughing with them.

I miss sharing with them.

I miss hearing their voice.

I miss feeling safe with them.

I've never been one to over-analyze or expect all that much from my friends. In fact, I have a really hard time maintaining friendships in which the expectations on me are high. I don't do well with feeling like someone is expecting to hear from me or hang with me frequently. I've also prided myself on my ability to maintain intimate friendships over great geographical distances as well as during times of quiet busy-ness for either me or them. That I get.

But these new cravasses seem deeply cavernous for some reason. As if I should be apologizing or clarifying something to them.

I hate not knowing.

I hate not hearing from them their side.

I hate the silence.

Labels: , ,

8 Rescued:

At 4:34 PM, Blogger Angela said...

I am so sorry they aren't there. Maybe it is just an awkward time for them, whether it be they don't know what to say to you about the miscarrage, or if they are just crazy with kids and summer and all that brings too. I am here, please feel free to reach out.

At 6:39 PM, Blogger DoodlebugsMama said...

I'm here, girl. I'm trying to take a bit of a step back from most things internet-related right now, just trying to focus more on my family. But please know I love you, I think of you all the time, and I so appreciate your comments on my pathetic little blog. :)

At 6:44 PM, Blogger DoodlebugsMama said...

PS--Love the TLC video. Brings back some good early 90's memories. And those are some seriously stylin' duds. But what is up with Left Eye's patch? Is that a poached egg?

Love you!

At 10:24 PM, Blogger Hero said...

Dude, it's a condom! Don't you remember that? Oh, wait, you're from Utah ;-)

At 11:23 PM, Blogger MommaRia said...

My dear Hero....fret not, your friends are still here....it is summer and whimsy wisks friends to far corners if only for a week at a time.

I am here if you ever need me.

At 12:50 AM, Blogger DoodlebugsMama said...


I so don't remember that! It most definitely must be the Utah in me (or the me in Utah).

Poached egg? ROFL! Nice.

At 11:27 PM, Blogger DesertGirl said...

I'm sure you aren't talking about me.. but.. I have been thinking about you, and I am so very sorry for your loss. I really am.

At 11:03 PM, Blogger Erin said...

I can only assume about the group of friends you are feeling excluded from. With that, I can't help but feel I've BTDT. It hurts. I hope the hurt abates quickly. I especially hope you find, down the road, that you were just feeling a bit sensitive during the summer of 2006.

Like desertgirl I heard about your wonderful news and the ensuing devastation. I'm sorry. I hope things on the horizon bring a remedy that will make your pain less permanent.


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