And you know, wherever I am, I'll come runnin'

I've lost some friends lately and I'm sad.

I'm not exactly sure what happened. I don't know if I did something to upset them and I can't get them to call me back or answer an e-mail in my attempt to find out. Several of these friends I've had for several years which is why I'm so perplexed. I'm not talking casual acquaintences. These are people I have genuinely confided in and believed to be within my tightest of circles.

Granted, my phone and inbox have been unusually quiet since my miscarriage. I'm not sure if people just don't know what to say or if they are afraid or if they really don't believe that I'm ok and think that I'm pining away on the couch eating oreos but it's been seriously amiss here in casa de Hero. I'll admit, I've seen some oreos lately but day-am, they are good. Especially with a huge glass of cold milk....but I digress.

I miss my friends.

I miss them terribly.

I miss laughing with them.

I miss sharing with them.

I miss hearing their voice.

I miss feeling safe with them.

I've never been one to over-analyze or expect all that much from my friends. In fact, I have a really hard time maintaining friendships in which the expectations on me are high. I don't do well with feeling like someone is expecting to hear from me or hang with me frequently. I've also prided myself on my ability to maintain intimate friendships over great geographical distances as well as during times of quiet busy-ness for either me or them. That I get.

But these new cravasses seem deeply cavernous for some reason. As if I should be apologizing or clarifying something to them.

I hate not knowing.

I hate not hearing from them their side.

I hate the silence.