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Monday, June 12, 2006

And The Hits Just Keep On Coming

First it was all that rain that just kept coming and coming. Did you hear about that? That FEMA, those dopes that screwed up the Katrina mayhem, yeah, they had to make some trips through our neck of the woods. They've handed out some $3 million dollars for people really hit by the flooding. In hindsight, I should have claimed the leaky roof we've had for over a year but I'm guessing they'd have noticed all the rotted siding as the culprit and denied us, right?

Since the actual flooding, it's been raining here, a lot. Especially on the weekends. Tall Boy's new schedule (it changes every six months in May and November) makes the weekends our only real time with him now. As a result, poor Bam-Bam has waited a MONTH for his birthday present but it's sitting, as I type, in two boxes in the garage. We're hoping that this coming Saturday isn't a wash out again so that daddy can assemble it for him. The instructions said it'll take two people 6-12 hours to assemble it, depending on experience. Um, yeah. Tall Boy is expecting it to be on the high end of that estimate. Even with my expert help.

Then, as I've hinted at but not confirmed, I miscarried and had a d&c on the first. All the hoopala and excitement that was supposed to be on the verge of unveiling in the coming weeks dashed. I'm doing fine with that. Except.

Except Saturday, in the middle of assembling the monstrous beast that will be occupying our front yard, we have to take off and go to a jack and jill baby shower for Tall Boy's nephew. It's he and his wife's first child so it's not like we can shake them off. Add to that the brand new baby of Tall Boy's OTHER nephew (their second) that joined the family on May 19th that will be the star in everyone's eyes.....I JUST DON'T WANNA! CAN'T I BE FIVE FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS AND POUT IN THE CORNER INSTEAD OF BEING THE ADULT?

Believe me, this has nothing to do with either of my nephews, their wives, their kids...nothing like that. Anyone that knows me that has been here long enough knows that their ability to conceive HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY DAMNED INFERTILITY. I've got my cross, thankyouverymuch. I just don't want to go. I don't want to have to put the painless face on. I don't want to expend the energy to fake it. I don't want to burst into tears. I don't want to have to explain!

I have a feeling that Tall Boy's mom hasn't told any of the family what happened but since I don't know for sure, I'll be weary. Do they know? Do they not know? ARGG!!

I don't wanna go.

I just don't.

Labels: ,

3 Rescued:

At 2:04 AM, Blogger lachen said...

Oh honey.

Have you considered that these other people love you SO much that they would not want you to be present at ANY celebration that causes you increased pain?

Please don't go. There is a season for all things. If this is still winter (or, at best, early Spring) in your soul with respect to all things "baby", please honor that and send your gifts to the showers with someone who will be attending with their whole self. And whose smile will not have to come from superhuman strength.

Don't go. Rest in the integrity of being able to celebrate the wonderful news of these precious new lives as the season of your own life allows.

At 8:53 PM, Blogger MommaRia said...

I am so sorry.
So very very sorry.

I totally understand the lack of enthusiasm for others in a desired situation. I am still dealing with my decison.

At 11:08 PM, Blogger Coccobello said...

I happened by your blog today and saw about your miscarriage. I'm so sorry for your loss--- what a sad and frustrating turn of events. HUGE hugs. So sorry.



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