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Monday, May 16, 2005

The humor is just LOST on me

Focus on the index finger on your dominant hand for a moment and imagine that it is unable to click the select button on your mouse. Your finger is there and you know that it's supposed to be able to click that foolish little button but no matter what you do it doesn't. You go to the doctor and put your finger through extensive poking, prodding and medication and you get it to click that button ONCE. Just once.

You LOVED the website that resulted in that one click and you were sure that you'd be happy enough for the rest of your life having visited that one site that one time. So you dragged yourself to a sort of pseudoacceptance that you'd live the rest of your life without your finger clicking on any other websites, ever.

Now imagine several years later and your finger twitches a little bit. It moves, say, from side to side but not up and down.

Suddenly you have hope. You think that maybe the prognosis for your finger isn't quite what they told you it was. You've exercised it, been feeding it the right foods for a little while and it's been brought to life a little bit.

Immediately your brain starts to dream of the websites you might be able to get to now that your finger is flinching. Yet, the flinching doesn't necessarily mean anything concrete right? It doesn't mean you really can move it up and down, clicking away on different addresses?

Hope in it's most destructive state.

My uterus is your index finger. It has flinched. My mind has been racing with irrational thoughts: If I keep losing weight, will that fix it? If I keep exercising, with that fix it? If I keep eating the right foods, taking the right supplements, saying the right prayers, keep going to church, will ANY of that fix it?

My uterus flinched and that doesn't mean jack shit.

3 Rescued:

At 11:23 PM, Blogger Cherry Moon said...

What do you mean when you say that your uterus has flinched? I don't know what your history is, but I'm interested!

Flinching isn't good? :(

At 12:31 AM, Blogger lachen said...

Honey, I gotta tell you: miraculous movings of God's hand are sometimes slight. Do not be afraid to hope, for even if it does not come to fruition as would be the answer to the prayers you have not yet dared to pray, it STILL has meaning and there is still ample palce for hope in all of this.

A flinch is definite hopeful sign for me, even when it is not right now what you wish it were. It might someday become that manifestation.

Who is to say what is possible? Lesser miracles have happened. And larger ones too - in your own life and with respect to this same topic. Please...risk hoping. There is no harm and no foul in floating hope and keeping it bouyant in your spirit and soul.

I know I am. For you and with you. Big time. I refuse to be bothered with statistical chances and data. The God I know isn't bound by them.

Hoping here...

At 6:55 PM, Blogger *** hunzer *** said...

Your uterus flinched? I've never heard of that happening. I agree with *C* though that it is a hopeful sign. Hugs!


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